Livin' Clean: The Epiphany

I've sort of half-heartedly tried to diet and exercise for a while now. There would be a couple of weeks here and there where I'd go maybe three times a week to the gym (according to when I washed my hair, which my mother rejected as a crazy idea, and she was right). I'd get it in my head that I should eat healthy, so I'd wash my salad and whole wheat pasta down with a Coke.

But about a month ago, I realized that I live in a place (Santa Monica) that thrives on its beach culture...and I was in no way prepared to don my bikini and spend most weekends, come June (or February, as the weather recently has indicated) swinging valiantly at volleyballs and catching up on my cheesy novels by the ocean. Not only that, but I love clothes, and I realized that I was no longer taking an interest in what I was wearing, mainly because nothing looked good on me, and I didn't really feel good wearing anything (muffin tops, guts, fat thighs, etc.--nothing was as egregious as I make it sound here, but the fact that I was noticing these things and they were getting in the way of me enjoying myself and feeling good about myself were reason enough to change). And lately, I've been becoming more and more aware of the people around me, especially those who are approaching their 50's, 60's, even 70's, and their lifestyles--who was becoming impeded by the decisions they made in their 20's? Who was having more fun than they did in their 20's, because they took care of themselves from the get-go?

So all these thoughts were sort of swirling in my head, and then Mom came to visit. I'd say that ever since I went to college, she's been fiercely pursuing a healthy, active lifestyle. And 6 years after my departure from her home, I can honestly say that she's more beautiful, and in better shape, than I've ever seen her. She was able to spread her convictions on to my sister, and though for a while I thought that they were both drinking some pretty loopy Kool-Aid, I've come to realize that while I was thinking that, I was also marveling at how healthy--and, almost more importantly, how happy they both seemed. They both glow from the inside out. My sister practically causes traffic accidents these days--no one can take their eyes off of her. Mom looks about 40--when really she's 54.

Mom's arrival coincided with an epiphany on my part: I needed to get off my fat ass (to quote Mom), and do something about the way I felt, instead of just wishing that one day I'd just wake up and end up with toned and defined muscles (and yet, still the curves--i.e., bodacious tatas and "birthing hips" that I've come to appreciate...or at the very least, moderately tolerate). So, first step: we went through my entire closet, I tried on every piece of clothing, and threw out everything that looked bad on me...which means that the Goodwill has recently acquired about 30 blouses with capped sleeves. I kept pieces that we liked, but agreed would be "inspiration clothing" for me--clothes that were quality, but also required I lose a coupla pounds.

And then came the frank discussion about food. I really like food. And I have this weird habit of pairing odd things together...like salami and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Not together, mind you, but as compliments to each other. I also am addicted to Coca Cola, and work in an office where such beverages--as well as cupcakes, Swedish Fish, and various fried foods--are in ready supply. But watching Mom and my sister eat made me realize that it IS possible to eat healthy, and even to enjoy--hell, not just enjoy, crave--that ridiculously expensive Kombucha tea made by GT Dave and sold for $4.00 a pop at Whole Foods. Now, I've eating only whole wheats, having breakfast for the first time since high school, and not eating anything after 9pm. I've managed to sit on my hands when facing crisp, delicious, crusty french baguettes and cheese, Crumbs cupcakes, even birthday cake smothered in that painfully sweet icing that I love. And you know what? I'm really, really proud of myself. Mom can vouch for that. I call her practically every time I take a bite of something.

Long story short: I'm trying. Hard. And even more importantly, I'm being honest with myself. I feel healthier, and more energized, than I have in a long time, and living has become like a puzzle for me: how can I cut corners, eat healthier, expend more energy, in every aspect of my life? The other weekend I was at DSW Shoe Warehouse, consulting with Mom about a pair of Madden Girl heels. She and I ended up talking for a while longer, and I hate going up to the register when I'm on my cell phone, so I power walked around DSW until I'd heard all about the latest exploits of our 13 year old deaf dog. And then I paid for my shoes, went home, and tried them on with all the clothes that, come summertime, I'm going to look fucking fabulous in.

-Bronwyn